I never said and I guess I never will. I hope that you are happier.
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I once met a person that thought they should have never been born. That the people that they cared about the most would have been better off if they had never existed, and, if given the chance to go back in time and change something, they would make it so they were never born.
I never told that person that I felt a similar way for a good portion of my life. I thought that me being born had ruined my parents' lives. It took a long time for me to understand that it of course was never my fault. I never asked to be born. What helped was my mom telling me how much she wanted to have me.
For that person, maybe they never got to hear that from their mom. I'm sure if they ever asked, they would find out that their mom was happy for the miracle of their birth despite the odds, and despite whatever mistakes they made as a child was nothing compared to the joy they bring to their life now.
I'm sure both their mom, their sister, and other people are glad for their existence. I was glad that they existed. They were someone I enjoyed spending time with, even if it wasn't for very long, they made a lasting impression on me. For them, I'm probably just a bad memory they'd rather forget. Maybe they have forgot and are happier for it.
I think I was selfish and wanted to be the person that made them realize that they are loved and wanted. I wanted to be the person that made them feel loved and wanted, but for the wrong reasons. I think I wanted it for my own satisfaction, not for their sake. I hope they were able to have that realization somehow. I hope that they feel happy and wanted. I truly want that for them, even if I wasn't the one to make it happen.
If you're happy now, I wish I could know somehow, but it's my own fault that I can't. I just need to accept it.